Checking From Behind Pulling No Punches

Former Blues and Maple Leafs, Lee Stempniak is the NHL's first star of the week. "How?" I just assumed you asked. Quite simply, a young boy in the Netherlands just sacrificed a goat to the Gods over a copper caldron and down came the magical "wish demon" to provide the boy with three wishes.

"What shall it be boy?" said the Wish Demon.

"With my first wish," said the boy. "I wish that all my family will no longer suffer from starvation."

"Stupid boy," said the Wish Demon. "You just killed a goat! You could have ate that."

"I'm sorry," cried the boy. "But I knew we had to sacrifice a feast of a goat for the potential of a meal a day for the rest of our lives."

"A meal a day?" asked the Wish Demon. "Well then child, I give to you... Tim Thomas!"

Seen Here: Dinner AND Dessert.

"For your second wish, child?"

"I wish that my family wasn't in the goddamn Netherlands!!!"

"Your wish is my command, I will now transport you and your family to a place where you'll never have to move out, no matter how old you get!"

And with that, the magical Wish Demon cast his spell and his entire family was placed in Mario Lemieux's basement.

Seriously Crosby, move out already.

"And for your third and final wish?"

"Well... I'm not even sure if this is possible."

"Nothing is impossible, child, just look at Chris Chelios' career. You know I heard he once played chess with Jesus!"

"Can... can you make Lee Stempniak the best player in the NHL?"

"DONE!"

And that my friends is how Lee Stempniak became the NHL's first star of the month. Stempniak has scored 13 goals 3 assists in 14 games with the Phoenix Coyotes since being dealt from the Toronto Maple Leafs for late draft picks. He has aided the Coyotes in their push for the top of the Western Conference to a 9 game win streak in that span.

How I wish I could say "April Fool's!"

Micheal A. Aldred